You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
