Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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