I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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