I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
