upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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