I look better un-naked...
We need to rekindle our bromance
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
