remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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