why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
