Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
