Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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