I wish you could order shots online.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
