it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
