Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
