i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
