Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
