It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
