8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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