he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
