I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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