We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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