Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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