new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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