you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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