In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
