There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
