hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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