I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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