If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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