she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
