I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
