I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
