I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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