Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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