i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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