i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
