Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
