FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
