Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
