Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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