They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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