where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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