glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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