After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need water and some morals
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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