if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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