At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
