my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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