I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
