Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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