i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
