she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
