from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
