Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it because I queefed?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
