its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
